Alone
by ShakesDarkLady
Summary: CO ish, response to Blind


Title: Alone

Author: ShakesDarkLady / LenaKissesBinx

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Pairing: Casey/Olivia

Spoilers: "Blinded" and

Rating: PG (for a sexual reference)

Author's Note: This is an angsty response to the latest SVU episode which left me extremely concerned about the deterioration of Olivia's character. I feel she would have never betrayed any friend or coworker the way she betrayed Casey. She should have tried to talk things over with her.

Anyways, this fic came to my mind after listening to the song, "Alone" on Celine Dion's new CD (it is a remake of a song by Heart).

_**I hear the ticking of the clock**_

_**I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark**_

Getting home late from this horrendous day, I don't even bother to turn the lights on. I drop my briefcase by the door and kick off my shoes before heading directly to my bedroom. I pull off my suit, just leaving it in a pile on the floor.

Pulling back the comforter, I slide beneath the sheets and pull them up under my chin. I lay there emotionally exhausted and wondering how my day went so horribly wrong.

_**I wonder where you are tonight**_

_**No answer on the telephone**_

I tried calling Olivia a few times before I left my office and once on the cab ride home, but the phone just kept on ringing until her voicemail pick up. I couldn't bring myself to leave a message after all that had happened between us today. She is probably visiting Elliot and avoiding me like the plague.

_**And the night goes by so very slow**_

_**Oh, I hope it doesn't end though**_

_**Alone**_

The last thing I wanted was to be in bed alone tonight. It's not that I have minded being single, but my body craves meaningful human contact. And each tick of the clock signifies the passing of another second without it.

The optimist in my wants to believe that the entire night won't pass with me lying here alone, because I decided this morning when I awoke that that would not happen. But the realist in me knows Olivia won't return my calls. And even if she does, why would I open my heart up to her again?

_**Till now I always got by on my own**_

_**I never really cared until I met you**_

_**And now it chills me to the bone**_

_**How do I get you alone? **_

The first time I met Olivia I knew I was attracted to her. I knew I wanted to get to know her, to be as close to her as I possibly could. And as the years have passed, I have fallen deeply for her. Her passion, her devotion, her kindness and caring, and most of all, her vulnerability have captured my heart.

Each day it has become increasingly difficult to hide my feelings. Even more so lately since I had begun detecting something new in how Olivia acts with me. I started to believe that my love was not unrequited.

_**You don't know how long I have wanted**_

_**To touch your lips and hold you tight**_

The idea that she might be attracted to me or maybe even love me sparked endless dreams of passionate kisses, sweet caresses, and endless nights of bodies entwined. These dreams were the driving for that propelled me out of bed this morning with a plan.

_**You don't know how long I have waited**_

_**And I was going to tell you tonight**_

I had it all figured out. I was going to have her come to my office this evening under the pretence of a work dinner to review an upcoming case. I planned on revealing my feelings and laying my heart at her feet. Because I was so sure that she would tell me she felt the same.

_**But the secret is still my own**_

_**And my love for you is still unknown**_

_**Alone**_

I had to wait until later in the day to talk to Olivia because I was due in court. And this is where my day took such a drastic turn.

I know I should have filled Elliot and Olivia in on my plan to cause the defendant to have a psychotic break. But I knew that they wouldn't understand because they wanted him to pay for hurting Elliot. I just underestimated how strong Liv thirsted for blood.

Instead of talking to me, she put my job in jeopardy by taking something I told her in confidence and passing it along to McCoy to use against me. I would have never told her about Charlie if I didn't trust her whole-heartedly. I told her about a period of my life that haunts me still to this day and she threw it back in my face.

_**Till now I always got by on my own**_

_**I never really cared until I met you**_

I try to fight back the tears swelling in my eyes to no avail. The ache in my chest has turned to a sharp pain. I gasp to catch my breath as sobs wrack my body.

I curse her for breaking my heart.

I curse myself for letting her.

_**And now it chills me to the bone**_

_**How do I get you alone? **_

I wish she was standing before me now so I could tell her how deeply she's hurt me, how badly it burns. To make her realize the extent of the damage she has done.

_**Alone. **_

But I won't. I won't reveal anymore of myself to her. I won't allow her to see the effect she has on me. I won't let her see the real me.

_**Alone. **_


End file.
